Feeling, Mothering


August 25, 2017


I want you to know the good, not just the hard.

That tonight A chased me around the bedroom, giggling as she rapid-fire crawled. That she gives kisses with her mouth wide open and her little bottom teeth poke my cheek. That all I want to do is hold her and watch her point her tiny finger and say “Dat”.

She woke up crying at 4am. We let her go for 15 minutes, but it didn’t look like it would let up, so I got out of bed to get her. It used to be that her cries, even her little whiny “dolphin” chirps would give me such anxiety, I would squeeze my eyes shut and pray that she’d just fall back to sleep. Now, though, even if she’s crying, even if it’s 4am, it’s like Christmas every time I wake up and think, “She’s awake,” because that means I get to hang out with her soon.

I picked her up out of the crib, sat us down in the rocking chair, and she latched on like the little pro she is now. She nursed and nursed. Clearly hunger was why she was up. When she was done I gave her a pacifier and set her back down in the crib where she fell back asleep till 7am.

All of this feels so good now, so lucky. Her sleeping through the night, her nursing well, her needing me and me wanting her. Yes, it’s hard and some days are rough and I can feel the wave of “oh, just wait until they…” (insert challenging milestone here) but I need to revel in this spot a minute.

I have a deep appreciation for this little place that we’ve arrived at, where it all just feels so damn magical.

I am one lucky mama.

For the month of August, I am posting each day using a prompt from The August Break challenge by Susannah Conway. The prompts encourage a “month of paying attention” which goes hand-in-hand with my new moon intention to focus on my creativity. I’m sharing all my photos on Instagram with #jtaugustbreak

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1 Comment

  • Reply Rita August 29, 2017 at 7:54 am

    Nice to catch up with you this morning (reading through posts I didn’t see earlier). So glad to see that you are in a good mothering place now.

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