Yesterday, I announced my pregnancy on Facebook. Today, I’m writing about it here.
Writing, sharing, processing on this blog is something I’ve missed terribly the past 5 months, but I needed privacy. Being pregnant takes a lot out of you – it’s not as glamorous as all the celebrity bump sightings would suggest. Being pregnant after loss comes with a whole extra layer of challenges and feelings to navigate.
Months ago, I intuitively knew that early June would be the right time for sharing publicly. Yesterday marked both our second pregnancy’s original due date (which we lost in late November) and the half-way point for this pregnancy. The magical 20 week mark.
It’s only in the last week or so (~19 weeks), that I started feeling more excited than panic, more happiness than worry. It’s only in the last week or so that I can enjoy eating a salad and don’t crave cereal at every meal. The past week brought on a bump too large for my wardrobe, so I bought maternity clothes. It brought our 2nd trimester scan, where the doctor said things looked good. It brought the slightest notion of baby kicks, and those bring me so much joy.
All of those things – the due date passing, the bump, the kicks, the clothing, the doctor’s appt – usher me into a sense of this is really happening. Yes, the symptoms were all real before, but I wasn’t letting myself really sink into the good. It’s still touch and go some days with my feelings (getting pregnant again doesn’t remove the grief of loss), but I’m so, so hopeful. And I hope to share more soon.
Fingers and toes crossed, 3rd times a charm.