My coaching training is all about the experiential – you’re given a few tools in week 3 and they ask you to start practice coaching each other and volunteers in your life as soon as possible. Like, immediately. Which is scary, because you feel dumb and like you don’t know enough yet and people will know and they won’t take you seriously from here on out. But, it isn’t true.
If I’ve learned anything from rock climbing it’s that we actually do learn by doing.
So, I’m being coached by a fellow “cadet” as they call us trainees, and she said the following to me (paraphrasing):
“You’re putting all this pressure on yourself to be patient and kind in this situation, to empathize with people, while pushing away your own frustration. And it sounds like you’re legitimately frustrated.”
What I heard was “pressure on yourself” and “legitimately frustrated”.
And I realized, until that moment, I didn’t think my frustration was legitimate… permissible… allowable.
That I was internally trying to talk myself out of my feelings. Maybe I’d acknowledged my feelings, maybe I was feeling my feelings, but I was not honoring them.
In all of this self-development, I’ve been doing the work, questioning my thoughts, turning them around, empathizing with people, and changing my thoughts to change my behavior to create a clearer path for myself. But in this trail blazing ahead of this skill set, of therapy and reflection and working through things, I somehow skipped the step where I really listen to my feelings.
In questioning my thoughts, I question my feelings, and a core connection is severed.
I’m not sure what to do with this nugget of information yet, but this shifted something inside me. I’m curious to see what other reactions and feelings are unacknowledged or blocked.
What about you? Have you experience something like this before? What allows you to feel / acknowledge / honor your feelings?