Yesterday started off shitty. Even though I slept in, I felt wiped out. H was off from work and took over dog duty, but I still felt overwhelmed. My tarot cards pointed to being a leader, moving towards something better, but I was all “f-that!”. As my friend D says I was “rage-y”. Whether it was pms, the pending full moon, the crazy amount of meetings this week, whatever, I was not in good spirits AT ALL.
To create some relief, I cancelled one meeting. I ate breakfast and then got back in bed, closing my eyes to rest another 20min. With my eyes closed, laying in clean sheets, I told myself: All you need to do is show up. You do not have to speak, improve things, save the world. Just show up. So, I took a hot shower, made some tea, and showed up.
I made it through, though I can’t say I contributed much.
Reading Jill’s words gave me a flash on insight. “…opening ourselves to whatever might arise with a sense of curiosity is a worthy pursuit, the way out of suffering.” Yes. I was too in my head, too frustrated with the way things weren’t, taxed by all of the talking/thinking/giving. I’d lost my sense of curiosity. The voice that oohs and aahs over random things was shut down.
So, H and I went out for lunch to one of my favorite places. We got coffee and walked around a bookstore. I bought the new Elizabeth Gilbert book Big Magic, that flow magazine (perfect, right?) and a new journal. Somewhere in that outing, I started to feel better.
When I returned to my computer to finish up work, I had two lovely emails containing great news. My spirits lifted, I was able to knock something off my To Do list and process emails.
So, a few things.
One, I’m always amazed at how the tiniest shift (scenery, location, focus, project, people around me) can yield a whole new perspective, a whole new mood.
Two, go outside. It’s the easiest mood booster. Step away from the computer, stop trying to send just one more email, and walk into the fresh air, rain or shine.
Three, this is a marker that my moods always change, things are always shifting inside me, and I really do just have to wait it out, like the weather.
Four, curiosity is a lovely way to ground yourself, to pull yourself back down into the actual world and away from the emotional drama or stories in your head. It was the oddest thing, but somewhere between Jill’s post and wandering the bookstore, I came back down to Earth, back to really being here.
PS – Thinking of doing a read-a-long for E. Gilbert’s book on the blog. Anyone interested in joining??