I want to call this post “back to our usually scheduled program” but that isn’t the truth. While my days tend to hold the same elements, my weekly routine changes constantly. My schedule is so flexible, and our lives so fluid, that it’s hard to explain to you my “routine”.
From November to January, from February to April, and from May to now – the week of July 4th – work, activities, exercising, and meals are all different.
When I was growing up, my mom, a fire sign and a “starter” by nature, would say in an exasperated voice, “We just need to get back to our routine.” Over the years, I realized I had no idea what she meant – what routine? We were a busy family of five with three high school kids all growing, changing and doing different things in every season. Sure, there could be family sign-posts, like movie night or Sunday dinner, to center our busy schedules, but I gathered that this was some magical place she wished for, and if we could just get everything exactly a certain way, it would all be easy.
Of course, nothing is perfect, things will never be pinned down, and “easy” is just the upswing of the wave before it crashes down and starts over again.
I didn’t always ride the ebb and flow, and still some days are tidal wave wipe-outs. But I’ve learned to lean on The Work of Byron Katie – and the sentiment of truly acknowledging reality. What really is.
For me, right now, that is H home for the summer, a lot of work at my day job, traveling for 10 days and home for another 10 before leaving town again. It’s making better food choices while still ordering grande dirty chai lattes. It’s taking the entire weekend to not do much of anything, and still feeling productive. It’s long walks with the dog, a 2m run alone, and cleaning off my desk.
On the flip side this means there’s a giant pile of laundry, I only have 4 business days before I travel again, and I can’t sleep in past 8am because the sun is so bright. It means I crave the climbing gym, but we just don’t get there. It means not seeing my sister for a few weeks, and not posting here for even longer.
This routine will change, the flow will ebb, and we’ll continue on, but it’s so good to acknowledge where we are right now. Generally, my life hasn’t changed much at all in three years (see Day In The Life) and yet, I am not the person I was 6 months ago.
And that’s all OK. I’m holding on to my rituals, documenting and reflecting on my days, and as much as I want to control things, as much as I panic, allowing ease.
“To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly. Things, people, or conditions that you thought you needed for your happiness now come to you with no struggle or effort on your part, and you are free to enjoy and appreciate them – while they last. All those things, of course, will still pass away, cycles will come and go, but with dependency gone there is no fear of loss anymore. Life flows with ease.” ~Eckhart Tolle