Feeling, Living

We Must Make the Most of the Time We Have Together – One Year of Marriage

July 19, 2013

Honestly, I didn’t think getting married would change much, but I was wrong.

I had hopes. Hopes that marriage would feel the way I feel when I hear another couple is getting hitched. Words like romance and commitment. Standing together, united as husband and wife.

I also thought I was above it. I’d considered having the Goldie Hawn / Kurt Russell chat long before we were engaged. Maybe we didn’t need to get married. We loved each other and knew we were committed. What did a piece of paper or a rings matter?

But, it turns out, they do. To me, to us. They matter.

Soon after our wedding, H started grad school. Two months later, my sister moved in with us. Needless to say, this is not how I pictured our first year of marriage. I felt like we weren’t on the same page – we didn’t have similar goals. I felt responsible for much of our home-life. He filled his time with work and grad school. My sister crashed on the floor in our office. I traveled a lot for work and was lonely. We were caught up in the every day.

Life took us for a ride this year – work, promotions, traveling, family, my sister living with us, grad school, celebrating friends, combining our finances, beginning the house hunt. All of it was good, but stressful. It pulled us away from each other.
And like all things, I put too much pressure on it. Being Married. On us. Being husband and wife. I thought, “how can you love, and be that vulnerable and not make a Big Deal out of it?”

It brings me back to a core problem, the “shoulds” vs the “wants”. As in, because we’re married, we should do this / act like this / be like this / love like this…

Twelve months later, here is what I know:

I want more of US creating the lives we want TOGETHER.

H has amazing intentions, is an awesome husband and his job is incredibly demanding.

We are fiercely supportive of each other.

I am responsible for my own happiness.

We had the luxury of a 4-day weekend for our anniversary, and that quality time was just what we needed. In the beautiful card H gave me, he wrote “I can only assume the time will continue to fly by and the years will pass, without any concern for us. This reinforces the idea that we must make the most of the time we have together.”

(I knew I married the right guy.)

Today, I feel like we’ve come full circle… that a year into marriage, I finally have the peace, the love, the romance that I hoped a wedding would bring us. And H is right – we must make the most of our time together. Life is precious and short and flies by.

Getting married was transformative. And it wasn’t. We are the same people we were before marriage, and yet, we’re not. It’s vulnerable and it’s peaceful. There’s a solidity to it. And I can only hope our love deepens in this next year, no matter what life throws our way. And that we make the most of the time we have together, always.

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