Feeling, Living, Working


February 11, 2013

Managed to get up early, write and go out for a run with the dog. He was sick all last week and I only got 3 runs in, the last being a sluggish waste of energy. Back on the horse, and all that. I listened to a Radiolab podcast about Bliss. And let me say – with those stories in my ears and my legs pounding the pavement and my lungs sucking in cold air and my dog trotting beside me, I finally felt better.

But it was fleeting. By the time I was home and dealing with the next item of my morning, my frustrations overtook me. And while I wasn’t awesomely happy today, I wasn’t horribly upset like I’d been last week.

So that’s encouraging.

I spent the day at the office, dealing with emails and other tasks that’ve piled up. I did what I could with the moon void of course. I took frequent breaks to read or jot a few notes down in my journal. And I worked with a timer to create some flow. It worked, though I’ve had a caffeine withdrawals headache all day.

Tomorrow is all about meetings and talking. We’ll see how that goes.

It’s kind of incredible to think that this is my one precious life and I can’t seem to get my brain to lay off the meanness. Can’t gather up some self-love and enjoy the sunshine. But this has its place. I have hope it won’t last much longer.

Thinking about feeling like this for no pinpoint-able reason. That is feels a bit like grief. And I wondered to myself if, as this last sign of my birth chart closes out, if that’s what I experience each year in the depths of February – the shortest, yet the darkest month. Some kind of death, and then rebirth.

One can hope.

For the rest of the night it’s a snack, spending time with H who got home early from grad school, and sleep. Sleep is what I’m craving these days.

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