Creating, Feeling, Working

Intuition Ignition

February 6, 2013

I spent a good part of my 5m run with a friend picking her brain about visions, goals and aiming for what you want. 90-day plans. Being direct and clear with dates and measurements. How does she know? What do I do next if there’s silence in my head when I ask? What kind of warning shots (as she calls them) can I send out? What am I looking for?

On Monday I had coffee with another awesome friend; I found myself talking about the same ideas. He posed the whole “if you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?” question. My answer comes back “I would do this“. Sit and have good conversations with someone I really like. Just show up and listen to people. Help them. Create art…

…but that seems soooooooooo indulgent, I said.

As we talked, I realized that I’d been skirting something in these conversations. Essentially, I was complaining about not receiving any intuitive hits, about the silence on the radio dial. Instead, it seems, I’ve been ignoring my intuition, because the request just seems ridiculous.

And here it is: I just want to sit and create all day. Create what? I have no clue, but I can tell you at the basic level it feels like – doodle in journal, glue things to paper, sketch out a poem or two. Nothing drastic, probably nothing worth keeping, but the action, the sweet feeling of cutting paper and holding a pen and putting something down, is what my soul seems to be craving.

And then all hell broke loose at work for a day. I felt manic; talking to people, dealing with drama. I am proud of myself for handling it with an even attitude, but by the evening I was spent. A glass of wine, a bathtub and bed were my answers.

Today I woke up with that old feeling of panic – the thought of answering emails and going to a coffee meeting made me want to cry. I felt exposed, too sensitive, and really wanting to go hide out alone.

And then I left my keys in the unlocked car, IN THE IGNITION.

So I called out of work tomorrow. I’m taking the day to recharge and indulge myself a little. So much of my horoscope encourages introspection and envisioning the future. So much of it asks me to focus on myself and rest.

The ache to take a trip alone is back. To get away, to be in silence, to walk streets I don’t know and sip coffee in new places. It may just be what I gift myself for my birthday.

 

 

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7 Comments

  • Reply literarylydi February 7, 2013 at 2:34 am

    I’ve left my keys in the front door before! It’s dangerous being absent-minded. Thank you for a great post with some nice thoughts to take away.
    http://literarylydi.wordpress.com

  • Reply literarylydi February 7, 2013 at 2:36 am

    what do you do for work? sounds interesting

  • Reply literarylydi February 7, 2013 at 2:37 am

    just seen the relevant post to answer my question

    • Reply justine February 10, 2013 at 7:22 pm

      Yes 🙂 I oversee an alumni community. It’s awesome.

  • Reply Asking For Help « Allowing Myself February 10, 2013 at 7:01 pm

    […] for help. Taking a day off is helpful. But I know I’m struggling with something. I know intuitively I have the answers, but my brain wants to rule the argument, pick things apart (me) until it comes […]

  • Reply Encouraging « Allowing Myself February 11, 2013 at 9:11 pm

    […] Thinking about feeling like this for no pinpoint-able reason. That is feels a bit like grief. And I wondered to myself if, as this last sign of my birth chart closes out, if that’s what I experience each year in the depths of February – the shortest, yet the darkest month. Some kind of death, and then rebirth. […]

  • Reply Monthly Nutshell – February 2013 | Allowing Myself March 6, 2013 at 8:50 pm

    […] a rousing coffee hang with a friend. I named my need for indulgence. (Just writing that now makes me feel giddy and guilty at the same […]

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