Feeling

The Month of 10

October 1, 2012

It clocked in at 104* this afternoon at my office. It doesn’t feel anything like October.

We woke up to a dense fog, which was a relief in itself – moisture in the air, cloud coverage – but as it burned off during my run with the little guy, it became uncomfortable. I wore two outfits today – one to drive in the heat and one to wear in the office a/c.

I’m working to weed myself out of the disquiet that’s been on me all September. At this point, I don’t know if I’ll ever know the cause but I’m relearning self-care routines that help.

Morning pages help so much. My journaling of the past was full of berating and controlling remarks, but over the past two years it’s changed. As the voice in my head has become more loving, so has my writing. Today it was a life-line.

2 things are happening. 1. I am perfectly capable of determining what needs to be done and when and 2. I am totally able to accomplish the work that really matters. But what I’m doing, I think, is thinking of work as some crazy overarching pressured bag rocks that I’m crying around. That there’s not enough time in the day or that I can’t keep up. This is not true as I set the pace…

I just closed my eyes and took a quiet moment and thought, “I’m doing it”. There’s less to do than I think. And another mantra that I’ve already forgotten I do need to “tune in more. take a moment. tap into my wiser self.” ~except morning pages 10.1.12

And then, as I ate veggies and egg whites for breakfast, I read this blog post. It gave me pause.

I’ve been trying to be more mindful. Because it’s so easy to rush. To feel like one isn’t getting ahead, or even keeping abreast. What are the daily decisions that keep us happy? That keep us remembering the whole picture? Soaking it all in, soaking in the details even as they can overwhelm. Focusing on what needs to be done and forging ahead when some days I just want to curl up in bed and nap. ~brooke schmidt

It was a wink, an echo, a reminder.

So on this unseasonably hot day here, I am welcoming in the month of 10, a new transit and another opportunity to trust.

p.s. on cuteoverload.com they call it “tock-tober” – the pic is a Carter’s participation

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