Going back to August’s blue moon, which I didn’t write about, I’ve had some pretty low days in the past few weeks. When I’m feeling good, it’s like eating cotton candy or body surfing on a wave – it feels so perfect I can’t believe I’m privy the experience. I feel so wholly me, my being encompassed by my body while my spirit permeates my surroundings. It’s like seeing at higher level.
But the downs feel pretty crappy lately. I thought I turned it around this week by visiting a friend. And I did, for a few days, but come yesterday morning, I was a loaf again. Yes, I woke up, wrote, ran 3 miles, biked with H and Carter to CVS and the bank but back at the house, I napped for two hours. I felt unable to make decisions and quite restless. While I rallied for a wedding last night, I woke up with the same shit feelings today.
Could it be the alcohol I’ve consumed? Yes. And being in the low of my astrological cycle? Yes. And don’t forget pms and this terrible heat we’re having. But I do worry it’s something larger, a foreboding feeling following me around. And because I can’t articulate it, I feel even more stress that it’ll catch me off guard and consume me.
Somehow, going to the ocean always helps, so that’s where I dragged us at 3pm today. Once I was there, our beach quilt spread out, toes in the sand, sun on my skin, book in my hand the bad feelings started to dissipate, but so very slowly. It is only now, hours later, after dinner, a cold shower and more reading that I feel mildly able to take on the week. And what a busy week it is – an event, meetings and travels.
More on that later though. Sundays are also for reading in bed, which is precisely what I’ll be doing until I fall asleep. Hope you’re all doing well out there. xo
PS – I’m reading The Night Circus and enjoying it, though it adds a hazy layer to my feelings (or is it vice-versa?) Have you read TNC yet?