I’ve come to realize that the wedding is like some program running constantly in my head in the background. It’s amazing to know we’re almost there (T-9 weeks) and that Hawaii is the absolutely reward, but I’m tired and the big push has yet to happen. That “program” is sucking mental energy that I’m unaware I’m even losing.
It’s a perfect explanation for why I feel like I can’t execute anything bigger than “clean the bathroom” lately.
Wedding planning is a daily strategic plan of shit you need to execute that you really could give a crap about in the moment. Each time I check a major item off our To Do list (invitations mailed!), I find myself lagging on doing anything for the week aftewards. This gives the whole planning process a start-stop edge to it that means I’m never really satisfied with what I’m doing / have done.
And because I want desperately to have my resources of time and money back in savings so I can do what I want to do, I find myself ignoring the wedding check-list the way college kids ignore laundry. If I just shove the pile under my bed, maybe someone will realize I need clean underwear and take that load off of me…
But life isn’t like that. And so, to feel semi-productive in the life I’m living right now (the one sans money and time to do the other domestic things I’d like) I cook.
Tonight was lentils, chicken and veggies. I’m also on a diet / exercise kick for said wedding.
It’s really taking over my life. ::sigh::
At least I get to eat some really great food. Lentil recipe from Casa Yellow.