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#Trust 30 – Days 8 & 9 – My Own Compass

June 8, 2011

Busy here. New job has and I’m running around like crazy. It’s not the “overwhelmed busy”, but that I’m off my game. So much to organize, get on top of, and learn, even down to the commute and how to make sure the dog is OK with our new routine. Adjustments. Throw in a Death Cab for Cutie concert (*awesomeness*) and you find me very tired and we’re only on Wednesday. Hopes to read, write and rest up tonight for the next two days.

I’m going to just say it now – some of these #trust30 prompts are just… ugh.

“What would you do if you were dying?” and “What’s the one thing you’ve wanted to do but never have?” It leads too all this big picture thinking which can make you feel oh-so-small and inadequate. How do you go from temp clerk to rockstar in one post? You can’t. I’m sure there are people who benefit from this type of introspection, but as someone who thinks a lot (probably too much) these drive me nuts. I think my last post for this prompt was off the mark for this very reason.

So, with that said, I’m skipping Dare To Be Bold. I understand the sentiment, love the quote, but it’s not my cup of tea. Focusing on my own small little life through the lens of these posts and I won’t worry about grandiose statements. I made a commitment and don’t want to back out now.

I missed yesterday’s due to that DCFC show, which was totally worth it. Thought about blogging from the iPhone but wanted to save the battery for pics.

5 YEARS

To the self of 5 yrs ago: Things are going to get harder before they get easier, but that adorable little life you’ve dreamt of does fall into place. Every decision you’ve made and will make is perfect. Trust yourself more. LA was the right choice.

To the self of 5 yrs from now: I’m doing a shit ton of work right now and we know it’s been a fantastic improvement. How has this work here affected the you I am now? Has it helped me find music again? Has it helped me find God? Am I loving every bit of this life? Do I have babies yet?

____________________________

Today’s prompt: Afraid to Do – What is too scary to write about?

Let’s see: sex, God, music, self-detriment, high expectations, the disaster that was being 17, being cheated on, homesickness, aging, other people, how uncool I feel, therapy, surviving cancer, our family dynamics, how much I love him…

Hell, what isn’t scary to write about?

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

We’d rather trust people’s versions of us then our own selves. We default to pleasing and falling in line with what they may think of us. We’re the only ones who can change that though. I need to get right with my past acts and my confidence in myself to be able to steer the ship with my own compass.

It’s the small acts that change your life… and I am still learning.

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2 Comments

  • Reply Katie June 9, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Personally I think you’re SUPER cool and such a strong person! Honestly, you’ve been someone I’ve looked up to and admired, through everything. 🙂

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