Living

Current Challenge – Day 4 – #Trust30

June 3, 2011

While I’m doing well overall, there is a lot of chaos going on in the form of a few people dear to me being in the hospital. This is the time that I hate being 3000 miles away from home. And this is when I feel especially guilty about what I consider my own “challenges”.

For today’s #trust30 prompt, I’m to name a difficulty and rephrase in the form of a question. Then post that question where I’ll see it the next 2 days and journal a response. Seems reasonable, but my “challenge” feels entirely too silly in the face of all I know my family and friends are going through.

So, I recognize that this seems like a shallow difficulty, but I’d like to clarify that I don’t really mean that I’m not excited for my wedding. In theory, I’m so excited I’ll burst. The issue is not with “How to plan a party for 100 people?” and it’s not with cold-feet about the actual commitment of marriage (not yet, at least). The issue lies deeper, in some core place in my self where I am unable to picture what it is I really want separate from what everyone else is telling me I’m supposed to want. That pressure completely deflates any excitement that wells up. I’m left with the feeling of “What is wrong with me?” and that’s just no fun at all.

 

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3 Comments

  • Reply Kim June 4, 2011 at 9:59 am

    How about planning a wedding you’re excited about, rather than being excited about the planning? I think every woman hates planning the wedding–at least, I know I hated it! You sound grounded and know that the wedding is simply ceremonial–you’re with the person you want to be with. Make it a day that you’ll both enjoy and have fun with. When you hear someone critique your ideas, remind them that you’re paying and it’s your party so you’ll do what you want. Offer to let them plan something on the east coast for their friends if that’s important to them (and tell them you’ll show up and be pleasant)–and if they decline, you can relax, knowing that they’ve accepted your plan.

    • Reply justine June 4, 2011 at 8:43 pm

      Thanks Kim – honestly, that’s what most people say and it’s great advice but it’s not sticking, which makes me think it’s a different issue than just the “planning” part. I appreciate the feedback & I’ve already mentioned, but I like your blog : )

  • Reply This Grateful Season – My Wedding Planner « Allowing Myself November 17, 2011 at 11:11 pm

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