I’m allowing myself to rest. This is not easy.
Yesterday I had 3 meetings, 3 more today. As I’ve mentioned, my job is less-than-stellar as far as fulfilling this workaholic’s addiction, but the past year I worked through those aches and pains. Now a quiet daily routine is appreciated, filled with emails, gym visits, and walks with my doggie as needed. This adaptation and actual acceptance of my situation has eased my mind and opened my heart. I’m loving life.
And it’s always a shocker to have 2-3 weeks of chaos surrounded by work destitution. Either I’m so “on” that I burn out or it’s so “off” I don’t move. Sloth tendencies take hold. The smallest chore becomes a crisis. Remember, before I wasn’t even enjoying the “off” periods. Now that I am, the up-swing is even more an intrusion.
Still, this part of the semester involves lots of meetings that I not only have to take, I want to. The wanting helps, but it doesn’t make the driving / scheduling / talking-to-people-I-don’t-know more relaxing. Blaming the moon or the rain isn’t enough. I’ve learned the past month or so that acknowledging how I feel and then taking necessary steps to care of me is of the utmost importance.
So this little introvert is taking the rest of the evening off.
My workload isn’t ridiculous – it’s manageable and doable and I feel dumb for even needing downtime. Shouldn’t I be able to handle this? Well, I can, but there’s no reason to shove it all in today. The next two business days provide more than enough time. Plus, giving into my need for “off” time, let’s me wake up feeling super “on” and zooming through.
The worry comes from not enough. The critic reprimands, pointing out all the work to do, emails to read, stuff to clean, laundry to run, people to connect. Surely, I can squeeze in another hour, spend the time between appointments being “productive”, skipping a nap and wiping down the bathroom. I worry if I don’t get it done today then I’ll be even more overwhelmed tomorrow, but the reality is that by staking out my own boundaries, but saying “No”, the most important stuff rises to the surface and the rest falls away.