Living

Spine

October 7, 2010

(I began this yesterday but wasn’t able to finish till today…)

I am so bendable, so flexible in my ways. Just want to please.

Today could be deemed perfect. It’s an autonomous day with a little work and time for writing. I’m running a major event this evening, but it’s something I’ve done before. Rain still falls, as does the temperature. It’s a sweater and boots day, a tea and scarf day, a lounge in bed isn’t-it-perfect (?!) day.

I am alone, but not lonely. That alone is a huge improvement.

Today is DreamLab they ask us to share where we’re being asked to be brave right now. (The distinction between the asking to be brave and actually being it is the difference between being yourself and perfection – love it).

I am a Pisces represented by the fish. Two fish, actually, swimming in opposite directions. So not only do I have the fluidity to go with the flow and the strength to swim upstream, there is a tension to keep these two in balance.

“Spineless” comes to mind when thinking about sea creatures. “Spineless” can also mean “weak willed” or “cowardly”. Me as a little fish. Two opposing fish. Feel the connections?

So when you ask me – What am I being asked to be brave about right now? – I’m unsure. As I tried to tune into that little voice, I worried that I confuse “courage” with “acceptance”. But the Serenity Prayer contains both (see below for the full version). I’m always amazed how small ideas become intertwined to form ropes of support. I am bendable and that is so much better than breakable or inflexible. What I want to focus on is being 100% OK when I bend. I don’t want to feel uncertain about my intentions. The reasons to yield should be love and support and not people pleasing and fear (as they sometimes are).

And so, my list. I am being asked to be brave about:

  • Not knowing if I’m in the right place with my career or where I live or anything really. AKA to be courageous in that unknowing.
  • Having absolutely no control, and yet all of the passion, for something that no one else gives a crap about
  • The argument between wanting the homelife and being a nomad
  • That I can put my needs first and still be loved
  • To move into a new stage in my relationship and be ever-present
  • To be brave enough to establish and uphold boundaries. To stay when things feel right and not stick it out when they feel wrong. It’s OK to quit.
God, grant us the…
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

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